The Royal Scribe of Magdala

Your emails, dictated by Emperor Tewodros II, King of Kings of Ethiopia, in the voice his letters carried to Victorian Britain. Every deadline and request survives; the grandeur is added free of charge.

Dictate a letter

Original: "Hi all, reminder that expense reports are due Friday. Thanks!"

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, one God.

From James, Elect of God, Lion of the Finance Floor, Ruler of Sovereigns under God, Scourge of Late Receipts, to my friends of the office. Peace be unto you.

Know ye that the reckoning of expenses must reach me by Friday. As the river does not wait upon the stone, neither shall the ledger wait upon the idle. I have spoken; let it be done.

Written at the Fortress of the Fourth Floor.
James, Elect of God, Lion of the Finance Floor.

Summon the scribe

Paste your email, give your name, and choose the Emperor's temper. Nothing you paste is stored.

0 / 4,000
Choose the Emperor's temper

The letters behind the joke

Tewodros II rebuilt a fractured Ethiopia and wanted Britain as an ally. A single unanswered letter set in motion one of the strangest campaigns of the Victorian age.

  1. Tewodros entrusts a letter for Queen Victoria to Consul Charles Cameron. In London it is filed away and never answered.
  2. Feeling insulted, the Emperor imprisons Cameron, the missionary Henry Stern, and other Europeans.
  3. Envoy Hormuzd Rassam arrives with a belated reply. After a cordial start, he too is detained.
  4. General Napier's expedition marches inland from the Red Sea coast. After defeat at Arogye, Tewodros writes a last defiant letter, frees the captives, and dies at Magdala rather than surrender.